Monday, February 25, 2013

Parenting Our Parents

It's been a while, but I am finally back to share my experiences with you.  I'm still on my new journey.  I have spent the last year helping my eighty-five year old mother cope with the beginnings of demetia.  This is a series of events for which we are ill prepared.  I spent a year trying to convince her doctor that something was wrong.  She wasn't herself.

We tried counseling when she stopped driving and going to church on a regular basis.  The counselor got her to drive again for a short time, but then we had a significant setback and she stopped altogether.  I took her to a neurologist whose initial diagnosis was depression with the beginnings of demetia.  He sent us to a psycologist for testing.  She tested as having the beginning of demetia with a good deal of short term memory loss.  She was also extremely sleep deprived from lack of sufficient sleep.  This sent us back to the neurologist who sent us to a psychiatrist after an initial anti-depressant caused problems.  The psychiatrist did the trick.  She was prescribed a low dose of Prozac and we began weekly counseling wiht a psychologist. Things were progressing well and she was slowly getting better.

During this entire period she was becoming more and more reclusive.  She only left the house to go food shopping with her friend once a week.  She wanted me at the house constantly; finding little things for me to do in order to get me go to the house so she had company.  She would not alow anyone else in the house.  We were going on a trip to Alaska that we had planned the year before.  What to do?  Eventually, we had to hire somone to come and spend 2 hours a day and help with her food since she "forgot" how to cook and then just refused to use the microwave.The calls home were fraught with anger about us not being there.

It became increasing evident that staying in her house was no longer an option.  My sister found a wonderful independent living facility in North Carolina, the Dorchester.  My mother moved there in late October into a two bedroom apartment.  She can go to the dining room for dinner if she doesn't want to cook.  She goes there regularly, and my sister supplements her food.  She leaves cooked meals that can be microwaved.  However, she has to call my mother and "walk her through" the process to reheat the food.  I wish she would get more involved in the community activities, but I suppose all will come in time as she gets used to her surroundings.    She struggles with her sense of time and dates.   This has made her exceedingly anxious so I bought her a "talking clock".  You can ask it for the time and date and it will answer you.    We will see if that helps.  For now at least she is safe if not totally happy.  Maybe in time that too will come.

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